i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
