Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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