she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
