do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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