yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
