i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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