I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
