More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
