I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize