why do cheetos always look like penises
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
