She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
