You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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