Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
