If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just found puke in my bra..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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