First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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