this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
