i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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