i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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