In the future we'll all be gay
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think weed is turning my hair brown
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
