She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
