So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
