Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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