I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Boobs speak an international language.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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