The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
