You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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