I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
