He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
