Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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