So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
