He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
