You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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