i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
