Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
