I heard we made out
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
