She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
