I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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