onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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