90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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