considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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