that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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