I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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