you have to choose: penises or morals?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
