Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
