watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
