You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
