you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
