i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
