That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
