just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Drunk is a universal language darling
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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