maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
