Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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