She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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