Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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