I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
