Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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