what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
