I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
