2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
