I just made out with a guy for $7.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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