Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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