I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
