i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't deserve a penis
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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