Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
