oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There r osticjed everywhere
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i've created a new STD.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
