ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
