I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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