Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
