Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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