ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize