So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
