So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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