It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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