Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
