Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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